From a train station in the middle of nowhere...

...ok I am not in Kiruna, even if we usually said it was "in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nothing", but I am on a train station waiting for my train to come/go this sunny day. Train will take me to Arlanda where I am supposed to catch up with Szabszi before we take our flight to Vienna (we ended up on the same flight without us even planning it...). 

Vienna, here I come.

Happy birthday Sonja!

My additional grandmother Sonja (or Soja as I used to call her when I was a baby), who happens to be my late grandmother's oldest sister, turns 88 today :) She is one of these old ladies with completely white hair who always seem to be around, know what to say and not to say. I so wish we were living closer to each others.

Rammstein - live aus Berlin

Was checking the loads of music files I have scattered on several computers/devices etc over here and stumbled on some live music from Rammstein (recorded in Berlin) that I haven't heard for a while so now it's on :)
I also found some more Winnerbäck that I barely remember that I had, might switch to listening to that in a while.

...and I should really do some more serious packing unless I want to end up doing the packing on Monday morning just before I leave. Been there, done that - not sure I want to repeat it :P

"...and I wait without you"

Life must go on, with or without you.

flame

getting really close to 6 months now...

...and I still miss him.

::: this one is for you Axel - Becoming Insane by Infected Mushroom :::

*saknar*

afraid of clowns?

I am not but I know some people who are not happy with clowns, don't want to have them around and so on. They are not the only ones as it seems, I stumbled across an article on telegraph.co.uk regarding this today --- check it out here :)

"runaway train never going back..."

"Bought a ticket for a runaway train

Like a madman laughin' at the rain

Little out of touch, little insane

Just easier than dealing with the pain"

This is what I did, maybe it was not that wise after all now when some time has passed and the effects are making themselves visible. However, done is done and nothing can reverse it.

förlåt --- ringer ikväll.

Ok?

Aan jezelf...

...ken je de helft van de wereld

How true isn't that?

Curly Sue

...a song from Takida, what can I say? I remember these guys from back when we were all in school.

another down, one less to go

*d-o-n-e*

To quote one of my "lost" friends (no name required):

"så brakade det helt ihop likt en spark på ett försvagat hus byggt på tändstickor. kvar ligger en enda hög av bråte mer lättantändligt än fnöske. i hörnet av grunden kan en svag glöd antyas och det är enbart vinden som avgör ödet."

"så nu vet du. det är vad jag tänker. det är vad jag tycker. det är vad jag vill. oavsett vad."

*s-a-k-n-a-r*

little friend -> cluttered mind

Can you believe what a year it's been? 

Are you still the same? 

Has your opinion changed?

My humble set of replies: 

yes

no

 yes 

Unexpectedly got a link to the song Little Friend from a really old friend of mine some hour ago by email. We haven't really had any close contact the past 7 years or so and while I was checking this song out again (haven't heard it in years and years) and reading the couple of lines of text in that email I came to think about how much the past two-three years have changed me, the way I think and the way I handle different stuff.

I am not really happy with all of these changes so I decided to do what I have been thinking about for a while -> change even more things in my life.

Time to cut off the things that doesn't make me happy anymore.

xxx

5th of February

It is early morning, sometime just before 5. I am awake and in my bed, in my room, next door to the kitchen. The room has one window, located to the right of the bed, there are roses below the window - of course covered with snow during this season.

I can see through the open door, across the hall, reaching as far as to the closed door to the other room. The light is on in there, can see it below the door.

Something woke me up - a ringing phone.

It is early morning on the 5th of February 1988 and my grandmother just passed away at an "early" age. It has been 20 years now and I am surprised that I still remember the details. Since I can still remember what the room (my room) looked like together with the rest of the apartment. 

Fine, you usually remember places you have lived in for quite some time - but: 

1) I was not that old back then; 

2) I moved a lot when I grew up (8 places in 9 years); 

3) I don't remember that much of the other places I stayed in.

*virtual candle for my long lost grandmother*

family names

Tricky business, this with family names.

my mother - Nilsson

my father - Näslund

my sister - Angermann

my brother - Söderberg

me myself - Forsman

...asking myself - how did this happen? Start to believe that we are collecting names. This has some cons sometimes:

• phone calls can be interesting - people never find numbers and they get confused by all the names;
• your snail mail is for sure lost every now and then since you can not put that many names on the mailbox;
• children in this position have a living hell in elementary school when forms are to be filled in and signed by one or both parents - names never match;
• all registers have multiple entries for your phone number, i.e. if someone uses the register to call doing some marketing related then you get one call for each entry...
• Try making a reservation for a "family event" - I can remember one of the times when "we" tried to have a "family dinner" at some place. Of course arriving in different cars from different locations, having some "additional" family members (girlfriends/boyfriends/husbands/wives/children) with us as well. We are kind of a distributed family. FUN. Four of us arrive and enter the place, the guy working there asks us if there is a reservation and if so in what name. This was followed by four of us looking at each others asking "who made the reservation? I did not this time". It all ended with us telling the guy "it is kind of a bigger group, around 25 or so". Have to admit that all of us laughed at this comment;
• ...

...and some pros:

• phone calls again - if you don't want to be found this with multiple entries can be good since people get confused and give up thinking that there has to be a mistake;
  
• snail mail - you tend to not get some post, some annoying things tend to disappear;
• you get the pleasure of seeing a surprised face when you try to explain these things to other people;
• people don't "associate" to your parents/brothers/sisters when they see/hear your name, i.e. you are not compared with them all the time;
• ...

emails & Eurotrips & hospitals etc

in omnia paratus

Eurotrip? Oooh I want to do another one. Don't know how I will manage though. While I am waiting - one trip to Vienna and another one or two planned for Amsterdam during February and March instead. Got to do something before I die over here.

Did a stop at the hospital today, supposed to check the damn knee again and also my iron levels since they are for sure low now. Kind of got lost at the hospital area too - supposed to be impossible but it can happen if you are not carefully watching where you go! Weee...

Realised that a lot of my old and new friends are currently pregnant - another two told me this today and asked me when I was going to join them for this - my comment regarding this is "children - me? No no, I can barely take care of myself, how would I be able to take care of a child?". Enough said, I guess. Stop asking me these things. You should all know me well enough not to ask this.

I am drowning in emails and spam, got to get my address off from getting all these emails. Soon.

stones & memories

Climbing walls, cleaning closets. 

That is what I have been up to for the past days. Today did just vanish, wonder what tomorrow will be like?

Stones = my current desktop picture. 

Can't help it but I love stones and springs - maybe I should have done something else with my life???

Heard this song today - almost scary how a song can bring up memories you thought were forgotten.

inside and outside - cold

Brrr, cold so cold. Inside and outside. 

Didn't think it would be like this, that it would have this effect as well. 

Anyway, Sunday again and I only got one thing to say about that - "time goes too fast" - where did this weekend go? Should really need to take some more photos again, soon getting behind schedule on that one now. So - I want some more sun!

S1: Shouldn't it be spring soon? 

S2: Dream on, dream on, months to go...

S1: Crap...

fruit delivery!

Finally arrived now - the fruit I mean , cat inside seems to be nice as well :)

*so happy* 

Now I know what I will do this weekend...

sorry | förlåt

"I have to put an end to this since it is probably the best for both of us."


So I did. I feel so free and relieved but on the same time cut in half as if a part of me is missing.

Förlåt --- jag hoppas att du en dag förstår varför det var enda utvägen. Att du förstår varför det blev så här.


Currently listening to: Kent - Vapen & Ammunition ("Weapons & Ammunition")